I feel utterly terrible about the last week.

A friend came in from Denver to spend a few days, I was really excited.
For some reason I just shut down. I dunno, it's like things are different now.
I guess they are, as we have grown up a little.
First I was so broke we did nothing. We went walking, which she had issues with because of her cerebral palsy, played Spyro, and ate. I dunno.

I think the issue was that I felt alone the whole time. I mean, I love my friend, she's sweet and funny and outgoing, but we failed to connect at all.
I need someone who can hold a conversation, and when I talk about how I want to view what is hidden in our world they are actually interested.
I know I should be interested in talking about sex and drugs and college life, but I really, really just want to talk about politics, history, or the environment. I want to talk about how the world was formed, what's out in space, the government's hidden secrets and chocolate covered bacon.

I love my friend, but I felt alone. How does one feel alone when someone is always there? I want someone to wonder in amazement about the universe, or question reality, but I can't find those kinds of people to add to my life. I would much rather be alone than feel alone. When I am alone I can hope for better things, but when I am with someone and still feel alone, I am deflated. Will I ever find friends who feel the same way I do?

I will miss my friend, she is an amazing person. I feel bad that I could not have made her stay more exciting for her. I wish I would have planned better. She deserves better. It isn't her fault and it isn't mine, we just don't hold the same outlook on life.

I really hope she wasn't completely disappointed. I really, really feel bad.