I feel utterly terrible about the last week.

A friend came in from Denver to spend a few days, I was really excited.
For some reason I just shut down. I dunno, it's like things are different now.
I guess they are, as we have grown up a little.
First I was so broke we did nothing. We went walking, which she had issues with because of her cerebral palsy, played Spyro, and ate. I dunno.

I think the issue was that I felt alone the whole time. I mean, I love my friend, she's sweet and funny and outgoing, but we failed to connect at all.
I need someone who can hold a conversation, and when I talk about how I want to view what is hidden in our world they are actually interested.
I know I should be interested in talking about sex and drugs and college life, but I really, really just want to talk about politics, history, or the environment. I want to talk about how the world was formed, what's out in space, the government's hidden secrets and chocolate covered bacon.

I love my friend, but I felt alone. How does one feel alone when someone is always there? I want someone to wonder in amazement about the universe, or question reality, but I can't find those kinds of people to add to my life. I would much rather be alone than feel alone. When I am alone I can hope for better things, but when I am with someone and still feel alone, I am deflated. Will I ever find friends who feel the same way I do?

I will miss my friend, she is an amazing person. I feel bad that I could not have made her stay more exciting for her. I wish I would have planned better. She deserves better. It isn't her fault and it isn't mine, we just don't hold the same outlook on life.

I really hope she wasn't completely disappointed. I really, really feel bad.

I often find myself doing things that I know won't work.
Like a child I try and walk between the raindrops, fly into the clouds, and disappear when no one is looking. Although I have done them many times before and have always found that they result in the same outcome, I try again.
Doesn't science tell us that one of these days if I keep trying, there is a small probability that it might just happen?

I'm pretty stoked as Aniina should be here to visit me within the month, that is, if everything goes according to plan. I'm not entirely sure what types of things we could do, especially with her having issues with her cerebral palsy lately. I guess even if we just sit around it will be a refreshing experience.

Kai has practically moved in with me, and spends more than half the week with me. We get out and play tennis and basketball pretty much daily. It's pretty weird however, as we have nothing in common at all. Still, who complains about their friends when they don't have very many?

That's about all I have to say for now.

Sair