I feel empty.
This is what I've been trying so hard to avoid, day after day trying to form bonds and friendships, trying to give myself hope, trying to show me that I have so much to live for.
But no one is here, and these things I tell myself feel fake, lies told to hide the truth.
Even if one could help me feel less empty, to feel human, to feel wanted, or needed or just normal, I would feel guilty that I had dragged them along with me. I would blame myself if they became depressed shortly after, regardless of if it was my fault or not.
I am a black hole. I feel like I need someone, anyone, to help me work through what I feel, but I know as soon as they get close, the feeling will suck them in as well, and we will both be spinning within a world of constant questioning.
What I want to badly is to have someone to talk to, but at the same time, it's exactly what I'm trying to avoid doing. I need someone to connect with me, so I don't feel the shame of reaching out to them. I don't want pity, I just want to be heard.
I wish I could just fly away into another world and ignore my troubles forever.
I feel like a bucket with a hole, no matter how much good I put in, it slowly leaks out.
God, what's wrong with me?
